I think I hit my second rock bottom yesterday. Out of a regular job for several months now, hit by an annoying flu, home for 3 days without going out, rejected for interviews, it’s November and I live in a Nordic country. Yeah…but of course it could always be much worse.
Let me tell you about my first rock bottom experience one late afternoon in my student flat many years ago. I was by myself feeling absolutely miserable. My boyfriend at the time and I had broken up about six months back after a very stormy and unhealthy relationship of four years. I had been going to talk therapy sessions for about a year and my doctor was trying to get me to try some anti-depressants. I strictly said NO for months! I had gotten myself in this funky mess so I should be able to get out of it without any medicine.
That evening I had just finished my 500th crying session. I was so exhausted and as I sat on the floor by the hall, something told me to let go and say yes to any kind of help offered. For me, that was rock bottom. I was defeated. I felt like I had no tears left and no more energy left to even think about feeling lousy. I wanted things to change that very second. I was so done with self-pity.
So, on my next session to my therapist, I said yes to trying some anti-depressants. The whole story about the next 18 months is pretty interesting but I’ll leave that part out for now. What I can say is that I started feeling a bit better and my life changed. In hindsight I don’t really know if the pills really did anything, I mostly felt a little numb. I think it was the fact that I let go. I still remember the feeling of calm and serenity that flushed over me that evening sitting on the floor.
Yesterday when I was talking to my dear friend and I was laughing at my current situation, I realized that this for sure had to be my second rock bottom. But, even though I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions the past six months, I feel pretty OK, like this is just the long climb to the mountain top. I’m not sure why I’m supposed to climb that mountain for such a long time, but I know that I’ll get to the top pretty soon.
This is all so interesting. And of course, I owe it all to my first rock bottom, love for myself, my friends and everything I’ve been doing on my self-discovery path the last 18 months.
If I had to give a thank you speech it would be; I would like to give a big thank you to dance, music, movement, yoga, meditation, books, my teachers, all my loved ones and my breath. I know that as long as I’m breathing, things are still much more than OK.
And today I want to give an extra huge thank you to Cory Muscara for his 6 min- Appreciation of Breath guided meditation on the simple habit app. It works wonders, trust me. It’s so simple and perfect.
Maybe you could try it too if you want a quick and effective feel-good treat. You could listen to it as soon as you wake up in the morning and as often as you like.
Maybe I’ll start making a note of all the videos and meditations and books that have helped me and been referring to, on my last blog posts. I‘ll make a PDF so you can easily check them out and see if they serve you as well.
Thanks for sticking around.
Big love <3,
Rocks and flowers, need I say more…