A plastic circle, a collage of memories and a second try.

Late one evening in late December several years ago, I was searching for something, a practice one could start to calm one’s mind. As the search continued, I saw a video of a woman with the biggest ring around her. I clicked on it and after those four minutes, I was home. I had found my kind of meditation, well so I thought, I saw myself just going round and round in circles smiling and being happy. I saw this gracious beautiful woman dancing slowly with a large weighted hula hoop, round and round she danced with this hula hoop, I was absolutely mesmerized and instantly ordered one online from a company on the other side of the world. It arrived just after the new year and I was hooked for life. Every free moment I would practice looking at videos and experimenting with my hula hoop. I was blue all over, my kitchen floor and ceiling were colored, and scared, my light bulbs were broken but I was in the flow!

in flow…

I was finally OK with being put in a box! I was a hooper. I started teaching anyone who came my way and decided to become an instructor so I could have more friends to hoop with. For almost three years, I taught women, men, kids and traveled to new places. This plastic circle of joy had opened my world to new possibilities and new realizations. Working night shifts, doing Zumba classes and running around with my huge beginner handcrafted hula hoops to classes and workshops. I was on top of the world. I had found joy and bliss again, the color purple.

What about self-care? people would ask. Well, I was instructing dance with and without a prop as a side gig to my regular work with adolescents. I was doing it all, giving, creating and feeling. My little hula hooping business was going pretty well, my Zumba classes were full and I was proud of myself for once. What was there to think about? Sure, I hardly practiced myself anymore, I slept fewer hours and I was not always thinking about escaping my work situation. I had other stuff to do in my spare time. I was awesome!

…or was I? and why was it suddenly starting to feel a bit crappy? was it the fact that working nights shifts and running from different classes before the shifts, constantly rushing around like a headless chicken or was it the fact that I had just lost my flow? or was it that the travel bug was silently calling me and wanted me to give it all up and go search for other adventures? Things got less fun, more work, and less play so I listened, quit everything and left for a long trip.

I came back and the following two years were packed with good moments but also intense longing for change and constant questioning. I had lost my flow and I didn’t even smile as much anymore. The next two after that were filled with more beautiful moments alongside strange work choices, how did I get here? moments and epiphanies. At least I knew what I didn’t want to do! So the real search began, maybe I should become a humanitarian logistician, yes let’s enroll in that fairly expensive course, maybe I should dig deeper into yoga and become a yoga teacher! yes let’s book that intense YTT and go to Cambodia, maybe after those 5 weeks, I will have more clarity. Maybe I should say yes to an office job at the rescue services that seems OK, but at least it’s a legit organization doing a service to the people! maybe if I move to a new apartment then things will get a new perspective, maybe if I do two massage courses I could work as a massage therapist on the side..and maybe if I join a continuing Yoga course and a “Find your Dharma” program I could finally get the clarity I need and find my purpose YES! let’s dive in.

So I did. Kind of crazy, once you see it from a giraffe´s point of view, but all so necessary.

closeup photography of giraffe
I love giraffes, they get to see the world from a higher perspective

Now after all this soul searching, a couple of unfinished courses,  I am understanding that I have a deep yearning to move my body, move others and move around. So, back to square one, a place very familiar to me. But this time my future business endeavors will be with more focus, more heart, more joy, self-care, service to others, honesty, and true belief in myself. The travel bug can still come out, but only, if it wants to be present and not escape.

Finding my Dharma homework

Next stop, a virgin wellness retreat in Costa Rica my friend is organizing…stay tuned…


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